i don't like sucking hair
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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