Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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