i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
