we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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