Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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