I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
