We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
