I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
