I'm eating all of the evidence.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
