they need to just BURY HIM!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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