would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just google imaged poop.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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