I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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