"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I could fuck to npr.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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