No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
