Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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