I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
