so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize