This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
