i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
