I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
