butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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