Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
COCAINE IS GR8
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize