I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
