About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
