He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
