In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
