i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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