i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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