So drunk its hurt
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I deserve this hangover.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
