i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Semen is not good for contacts.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
