I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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