I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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