Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
