Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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