i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
