too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
