I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
