I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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