id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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