Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
