he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
