I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
