I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
