I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
