so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
