He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
