OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
