I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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