Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
