textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
