the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
operation have a gay friend backfired
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
