so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize