i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
