i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
