we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
