well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
