I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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