Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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