Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
