he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
