She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
