We won't sleep together?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
