theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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