Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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