Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
