And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
