ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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