I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I am spending my child support on dildos
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
