I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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