none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
