What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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